Most of you probably clicked on this title because you don't think I'm athletic, and you want to argue against the title in the comments. Well, you win because I'm not athletic. Below are two instances where I felt discouraged by my athleticism.
Touching the rim of a regulation basketball hoop is my dream. As a below-average basketball player with basically no athleticism, I can only reach the net of the hoop. During physical education, other students will notice me jumping below the rim trying to grasp it. Every day I fail, and honestly, there's no point in trying because I'm not even close. Those observing me probably think I am insane and hopeless, but I will not let the judgment of others bother me.
What makes me furious is when some tall student with long arms comes out of nowhere and jumps along with me easily touching the rim. It's almost as if he wants to show how pathetic I looked reaching for something that I wasn't ever going to reach in my life. With a forced smile on my face, I walk away from the basket and become miserable where nobody can see me.
Pull-up testing always makes my heart beat a little faster and my hands sweatier. My record is 2 pull-ups, and I'm so proud of it honestly. I think it was the start of Junior year when I accomplished this amazing feat, and I still bring it up among my friends. My pull-ups show a manlier side of Matthew, which is the reason I even try. However, at the start of this semester, something devastating and heartbreaking happened to me. My arms gave up on me in the middle of a pull-up, and I ended up doing 0 pull-ups. I feel so embarrassed writing about this that I have to take a break.
(Break)
I learned a lot after those 0 pull-ups. The most important thing I learned was to be humble; I didn’t look down on anyone after that event. Some of my friends even mocked me, but I couldn't say anything because I actually did 0 pull-ups. I was pretty mad at them and referred to them as snakes in the grass afterwards. I went into a period of deep self-reflection and remembered that all I did over the summer was eat Jalapeno Ranch potato chips and watch YouTube. Considering I did that, I didn't feel as bad afterwards.
During my years at Uni, I realized that I'm not a physically gifted person. I used to be ashamed of myself for my physical shortcomings. Now, I’m going to ignore all the condescension and work out at my own pace. Soon enough, I will be the one doing 17 pull-ups and grabbing onto rims.
Matthew,
ReplyDeleteI can tell you at least from the basketball perspective, nobody has ever looked at you differently because you couldn't touch the rim. We all believe in you and believe you can one day do it. One day, when you do, we'll all celebrate with you.
I usually don't reply to comments, but you deserve one. Thank you for the motivation. I don't know when that day will come, but I'll work really hard so we can all smile.
DeleteIt's great that you're able to talk about something that you consider embarrassing- you are very open here. At the same time, you were able to include some more humorous parts, like calling your friends "snakes in the grass". The combination of seriousness and silliness made the essay very enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Matthew. I can't touch rim either. I find it really courageous of you to open up about some of your athletic insecurities. However, you are athletic and you'll be dunking and doing one-hand pulls soon.
ReplyDeleteMatthew, I think your determination constitutes a very important part of being 'athletic.' In tennis, I see you working hard and striving to get better every day. You have made a lot of progress and I can't wait to see what you will do in the future.
ReplyDeleteYOU ROCK MATTHEW JIN. Don't let other people or your own mind tell you otherwise!! Just because you can't touch the rim doesn't mean you don't work hard during basketball season and perform to the best of your own ability. Also if it makes you feel any better, I literally lift people at my dance studio but I can't do a single pull-up THEREFORE I think there's a flaw in the system here!! Maybe you are actually macho man but the pull-ups are just the wrong test to analyze that side of you. (I bet you did great at push-ups. Also you have a good mile time!)
ReplyDeleteBeing a human while writing is something you do very well Matthew. I really felt like I was understanding the struggle and frustration you feel. Think about it this way. Just because Krishna's arms are four feet longer then all of ours doesn't make him innately better at basketball then you. He doesn't even play. If you put in effort to things you care passionately about, you are the type of person to do amazingly at them. Look to the future!
ReplyDeleteGreat job and being open about something you feel uncomfortable about, I think it takes a lot of courage to do that. I just want to point out how a lot of the things this society deems as "masculine" is not as important when you take a step back. I'm glad you can now work out at your own pace, but please don't allow yourself to focus entirely on those 17 pull-ups.
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